my cool nonhuman self

that's right! i'm a single person, but i have 2 fully functional heads. i'm aware of both of their senses at all times, and can use them independantly; much like a chameleon's eyes.

i also have 2 sets of vocal chords; 2 voices, if you will. they're almost identical, but my right one is ever so slightly lower. i rarely speak with both, but i do alternate between them a lot.

i have different eyesights; i need glasses on both heads, but they don't have the exact same prescription. if i mix up my glasses in the morning, the difference is actually small enough for me to often not notice until well into the afternoon.

because i have 2 brains, i can effectively focus on 2 things at the same time; reading a book with one head as talking to someone with the other, that sort of thing. i don't split my attention most of the time though; it can get tiring.

my 4 arms are vertically aligned; my bottom shoulders rest against my top armpits. both pairs have the same length, strength and inherent range of movement.

my hands are polydactyl; they each have 6 fingers. length-wise, it's like having a second ring finger between the index and middle fingers. the cool thing about it is that i can do a lot of things you'd normally need 2 full hands for with just 1!

i'm a tripod! my feet are all identical, with 3 toes packed tightly into a round shape. my middle leg might not look like it, but it actually has a great range of movement; i can cross it over any of my outer legs, for example.

i walk and run in a 1-2-3 fashion; left, middle then right. or the opposite! i don't have a "directional" preference. i only alternate between middle leg and outer legs in some specific cases, like climbing a ladder or steep stairs.

i use computers with 3 arms: lower arms on keyboard, top right one on mouse. with all 4, it quickly gets cramped. my polydactyly doesn't make me particularly better at typing, either.

when i have to eat quickly, i alternate between heads (one swallows while the other chews). when i want to savor a meal, i try to combine tastes with both.

my vision works like a cell undergoing fission; the less my points of view have in common, the more they effectively split. with both focused on a same subject, i have excellent depth perception!

my motor control issues make me bang my heads together from time to time.

i like my hair to remain long on the right, and short on the left. i've tried other combinations, but none clicked; and identical haircuts aren't my thing at all.

haircuts, dental work and glasses are painfully expensive with 2 heads to take care of. they don't even have the same glass prescriptions!

i sometimes do 2-person skits by myself, or act as 2 people for jokes.

both of my right hands are dominant; my top/bottom preference is entirely contextual.

in altered states of consciousness, my heads may "desync". for example, i once got drunk with a happy head and a sad head, and started self-bickering.

i typically buy shoes in 3 pairs, and get one of them tweaked into middle shoes. that way, i don't have to throw away any of them.

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