disability pride

it's disability pride month! and i am coming to terms and accepting using the term "disabled" for myself.

there's a big difference in acknowledging that my neurodivergence strongly impacts my life, and using a "charged" word like "disabled" publicly. i am ashamed to say it probably comes from internalised ableism; my relatives were the absolute worst when it came to discussing this stuff. i shall not relay some of the many hurtful things they've said, cuz it's neither useful nor worth thinking about.

i grew up not only with the idea that i was slow and dull-witted, but also that "disabled" was some kind of bad word, that conjures images of "sub"-people. i've had a lot ot overcome to openly call myself autistic, or queer, or trans, or so many other things, but i did overcome it all so far. guess that's just one more item on that list, eh?

i know a lot of people prefer the term "neurodivergent" to talk about autism, adhd, etc. but as useful as it can prove to show that such things are neither unnatural nor necessarily prejudiciable, it feels reductive and doesn't render faithfully the way neurodivergence makes your life quite a bit harder (at least in my personal experience).

so yea, i am disabled. and just as i wouldn't shame anyone else for that, i gotta stop shaming myself too. it's part of who i am and it's not going away. and it sure won't prevent me from being happy.